Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize