my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
