What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
