I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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