You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize