1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
