it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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