in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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