Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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