Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize