dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
