I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
