Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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