No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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