You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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