idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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