I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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