Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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