I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
