Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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