did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
