Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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