You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
