I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
