The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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