Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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