dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who died my cat blue again?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
