She's JV to your varsity
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
