the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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