I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
