i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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