get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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