Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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