you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
