He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
