yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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