let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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