Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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