what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
