I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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