I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
