I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
