That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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