so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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