Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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