Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
