either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
