Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
40s are totally the cure
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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