letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
