Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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