Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
