i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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