Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
