Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
