I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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