Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
