So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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