saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
