i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
