very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
