I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
