Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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