i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
