Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
