I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize