I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
