Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
