I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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