I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
