So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you made out with another girl for some wings
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
