I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
