if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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