I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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