Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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