He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found your dick twin last night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
