if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
