Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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