Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
