if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My dick has a subreddit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
