i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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