Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
